With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love is in the air (and on the brain and in the heart). But it’s not just a good time to show that special someone how much he or she means, it’s also an important time to invest in self-love. Whether it’s actually learning to accept and love yourself or remembering to put YOU first in the care department, self-love maximizes your capacity to love those around you and has a dramatic effect on all your relationships.
What Does Self-love Mean?
The common idea of what it means to love yourself is actually closely related to self-esteem and the idea that an individual who has positive inner thoughts and values “self” as a person is more capable of successful, healthy relationships. While self-esteem is a part of loving yourself, there is more to it than that. In fact, recent research has found that a different form of self-love, known as self-compassion, is actually more indicative of the state of being and capacity towards both romantic and non-romantic relationships.
This form of self-love is largely associated with viewing the person in the mirror with appreciation and acceptance—regardless of any perceived flaws. Self-compassion is also based on recognizing who you truly are and not focusing too heavily on negative feelings or emotions. Individuals with strong self-compassion can recognize that many others have been in a similar position and tend to develop feelings of happiness, optimism, and life satisfaction—even while in the middle of a difficult season.
How Does Self-Love Affect Relationships?
The intrinsic quality of self-love is in being able to recognize one’s connections to other people, so it undoubtedly has positive benefits for any relationship. Not only are individuals with a higher capacity for self-love typically in more successful relationships, a recent study found that they are also:
• More caring
• More supportive
• Less aggressive
• Less controlling
Not only that, but those who possess higher levels of self-compassion are better able to resolve conflict, experience more authenticity in their relationships, and enjoy greater levels of relational well-being. So, the evidence supports the widely held belief that you must learn to love yourself to love others, but it goes beyond just having high self-esteem.
How Do You Learn to Love Yourself?
Individuals who want to improve their relational capacity should invest in learning this trait of self-compassion, which goes beyond just feeling good about one’s own self. And while it’s no easy task, it can be done. For starters, you can learn to recognize and appreciate the person you are as a whole. Seeing yourself—flaws and all—and accepting who you are without judgment is liberating. Beyond this, you should attempt to focus on your positive qualities and really learn to use the skills and talents you possess. Doing each of these with some regularity serves as the initial step toward self-compassion and paves the way for further development.
Learning to love yourself unconditionally is no simple feat and requires specific, intentional work. But with the right mindset and help along the way, anyone can learn to practice self-love and benefit both individually and relationally from doing so—for Valentine’s Day and the rest of the year, too.
If you need some guidance on recognizing your own amazing SELF, our GHCS counselors are here to help. Book a free consultation and and begin the journey to loving yourself first.